Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
