The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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