she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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