Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
