I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
