My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
