It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
