You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's rum buckets o'clock
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
