That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
