youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
