Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
