Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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