Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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