I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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