I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
