I want to walk on stilts...naked
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
