I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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