I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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