i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
