He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
