Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
