you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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