Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
