He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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