but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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