Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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