When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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