so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
