you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
