how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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