Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Too much gin, very little bucket
I intend to get homeless drunk
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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