I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
