beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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