I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
