It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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