I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
