i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
