he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
