I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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