We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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