Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
