maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
