The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
