I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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