My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
