somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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