I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
