Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
