I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
