Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this just has baby written all over it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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